The day after I finished my 30 Days of Yoga I was feeling excited and inspired to take my yoga to the next level. I was looking forward to continuing my practice and finding ways to bring my practice “off the mat” so to speak, to bring more yoga into all parts of my life (yogic parenting, yogic partnering, yogic being).
Then sickness struck.
Tuesday saw me in bed. All day. Sleeping.
Wednesday I ventured out of bed. To the couch. And rested.
Thursday, with antibiotics in hand, I actually showered and dressed, did small things like make lunch for my daughter and her friend and then went straight back to the couch.
I haven’t been this sick in years. I’ve had no choice but to accept the loving support of my husband, who thankfully worked from home to help with the kids. I’ve had no choice but to slow way down. To rest. To sleep, lots. To let many things wait until later. To allow my body space to heal.
There’s this part of me that wants to scream, with an undeniably accusatory tone, “WHY??”
I must be sick because:
- I’m not taking good care of myself
- I’m not eating enough dark green leafy veggies
- I’m not expressing my feelings
- I’m not washing my hands enough, or having my kids wash their hands enough
- I’m weak for letting illness strike
All of these statements are filled with self blame. It’s me telling myself I’m not enough, that I must be doing something wrong to end up sick.
The truth that I’m accepting instead is that I just got sick.
I got sick. And it sucks. And that is all it is. Sickness.
And here’s the thing. By simply accepting my sickness as nothing more than sickness I have allowed myself to see so many wonderful things from my prone position in bed and on the couch.
- My husband effortlessly moving in and taking over with the kids
- Groceries bought to get us by, with ease, for a few days
- My kids pausing at my bedroom door, smiling and then coming in to give me a hug
- The laundry pile higher than ever before, and still no one going around naked
- My kids giggling reading bedtime stories with papa
- Life moving along beautifully with me as a quiet observer
I know I will be better soon. For now I will rest and accept the loving support that surrounds me. And be grateful, so very grateful, sickness and all.